you look inside your heart and find the piece that hasnt broken wont let you fall apart whatever you do i believe in you<3
(australia all the way!)
about a year more!
till sixteen, a new ammunition<3
Saturday, August 25, 2007
i think im getting better i want to do super well for my eoys so that i can reassure myslef that im capable enough to study by myself im really quite happy today(: i accomplished so many things
todays probably the hardest ive ever worked since psle! whee
im really scared he doesnt allow me to go to melb next year though/: i f i dont go, i wont think lifes worth it anymore. i dont even want to think about whether he ll let me or not and how the hell am i going to ask him!
and if i dont go,huei wont either, i think.
and i want to have my own room and do ANYTHING i want with it, and i want to be one of the best damn students there. and i dont want to take art, im quite sick of the idea. i dunno why im sick of the idea actually,im so good at it. and music as well, i think i ll never want to take music, because of HAHA choir. not really lah, i just dont think i ll be able to take the stress, and im good in my vocal and musicality only. actually piano too,but its not really for me, i cant stand it sometimes. cant wait for grade 8 to be over! two weeks! then chiong eoys to the end! and i want a laptop/: but i ll get it next year because i want an updated more longlasting one. and a new phone.
ohmy.
tomm going to mug like shit again (: im happy im finally changing.
and huei too,and ewsy(: happy for them (:
i like my blog.(:
<3
topsy turvy-ed @ 7:25 AM
hey miss masticated, you too, dont be so emo! i always see you to be one of those perpetually stable people with their heads planted firmly on their shoulders, and im still sure you are(: we all have our times in the dumps i guess/: we are now,but choir needs you too(: chiong to the end, love you alotalot,<3 & cheer up too!(:
topsy turvy-ed @ 7:20 AM
Friday, August 24, 2007
justcreatedanotherblog for fun i feel like shit now seriously studied real hard just now imsotired now buti donthink i can sleep
i dont know what to say anymore, i want to get away from home i want to walk to hueis house now
im not moving my blog,im just adding another one because i like too many skins and i have so much to say.
i wish people would tag, it feels so dead here.
i want to runaway now
i wish there was somebody who could help me
i really wish there was someone who could understand
at least.
i want to stand under the rain now but its not raining and its past midnight so i dont think its possible.
topsy turvy-ed @ 9:18 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
i ve got a goal.
melbourne!
with huei (:
im quite happy these days,
turned fifteen last weds.
super tired though /:
im studying really quite hard for eoys,
i need to get real good grades.
chiong like shit.
sometimes i wish i could just fly away,
i dont know where to.
its hard to be alive here,
doing what im doing.
i miss a lot of things and people and memories,
i wonder what theyre doing
and whether they still remember that im in existence.
and i wonder how many are using me to get what they need.
i wish i could know everything sometimes.
i wish i could do the best job ever,
and do it well.
not like now,ive got the best job
but im doing it badly.
and i really regret not trying harder,
not prioritizing it in first place.
because actually
it isn't.
there are so many more impt things
(actually only one big fat thing lah)
than that and i just dunno how to cope well with everything.
cant stand my mum sometimes,
bigheaded,tactless and temperamental.
i expect it's menopause for her.
huei-dont think you ll ever read this but
i know youre a really great person at heart
and i wont tell a soul your secrets,
and i know you wont mine.
thankyou for everything you ve given me,
i really appreciate it.
cant wait for aussie!(:
xoxo
tomato-you re growing further from me,
i dont really think i understand you sometimes
i miss you a lot
and im sorry i didnt give you your present
but i hope you like the songs
<3
mar!-hey,i havent been talking to you
but you re still great(:
thanks for everything,
xoxo<3
zhing-howve you been,
i know you dont tell me alot of things
and i dont you either
but well you ve still been a fantastic juliet,
and thanks too of course for being there
when i need you most.<3
miss musical- hello,
dont think you ll read this hahah
but im quite scared of you actually (:
you re so serious and everything
but i think you re a very MUSICAL sc,
and melody & musicalism will bring
us to the highest cloud in heaven!(:
loveyoualotalot,<3
miss mad- haha mad woman,
keep up your crap
& dont go off anymore!
congrats on getting a phone all to yourself
after next monday(:
yay then i can sms you all i want.
i know you love me too <3
someonelikeyou-i dont regret what i did,
because you wouldve done it if you were me.
i mean, who wants to be weighed down forever by your
selfish remarks and broken promises?
and thanks for not telling me that
you re glad im older than you
by 7 days.
"jaycheow"?-im sorry.
i know you re a nice person,
if you get what i mean?
i dont mean to be bad
but anyway im really sorry alright,
thank you for telling me what
you told me.if you read this
you should tag yeah.
that's about all, for today.
and chuiyen
, love you to the max!<3
I can't stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
But for three whole years to end like this
Well do you want to fall apart
I can't stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart
I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
Cause I hate what I've become
You know me,
Oh you think you do you,
you just dont seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define
so let's Cause a scene
Clap our hands and
stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me
I could stand to do without
All the people I have left behind
Whats the point in going around
When it's a straight line baby, a straight line down
So lets make a list of who we need
And its not much, if anything
Lets make a list of who we need
And we'll throw it away cause we dont need anyone
No we dont need anyone
You know me,
Oh you think you do you,
you just dont seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define
so let'sCause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me
And I hate what I've become...
You know the night life is just not for me
Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own
You know they started something I can't stand
You leave for the city,
well count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on
Well, everything I've done
You know me,
Oh you think you do you,
you just dont seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define so let's
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me
You know me,
Oh you think you do you,
you just dont seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define
So let's cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me, yeah, over me, yeah, over me
topsy turvy-ed @ 4:55 AM
Thursday, August 2, 2007
im really tired, of a lot of things. i miss a lot of you, but i dont know how to tell you. not like im trying to act depressed, or become a wreck all over again, no,im not ready to let myself collapse again. ive been trying pretty hard at studying recently, and its kindof showing. ive been thinking out a lot of stuff wondering what would happen if i did a thing or two. i dont know what to say. ive been freaking sickly recently! diarrhoea a few times a week, and fever too,and vomiting. plus a back sprain./: i must sound really negative. i think im severely sick or sth, what with the weird headaches and heartbeat-skipping and dizziness, i think i might die if i werent careful. didnt go for choir thrice including today, sick! i really hope nobody thinks i pon because i really felt horrid /: sometimes i wish me and you and them could just go on a holiday and disappear for a month. i think im spouting nonsense, because i dont feel like myself. sometimes i feel so out of place everywhere, like i was never meant to be here. like im a different object from everything else, as though i think and move differently from everyone else. i wish i could talk to someone, someone who could understand, because really on the outside i just try to mould in with everything else, and i dont know how to be at ease with myself. im always jean,the one everyone thinks they know. but its ironical that,even as i state this fact in black & white, i cant change myself on the outside. its like theres this mask stuck on to me wherever i am, like im trying to be somebody better than myself, hiding everything inside. funny,i always seem to know when someone is lying to me, or manipulating me. and its scary that way, because when i know about that, i cant do anything about it. im afraid of a lot of things, although i dont show it. and i like being the leader, because i get lots of self assurance that i can be in charge and be organised, prior to the fact that i cant control myself very well. i love my hobbies but i just have no time to finish honing my skills. if i ever had a whole month set aside for them, i could guarantee that i would improve by leaps and bounds. i miss tennis,and i miss the people there,and most of all i miss you. i dont think you ll ever understand everything about me, but you re my brother, and im just stuck to you that way. i dont know why im saying all this. there are so many things that i cant explain, cant deal with,cant tell.
If you could come clean about everything It would be easy for me To be sorry If you could see all the possiblities We might not still be standing where we started
Oh no Don't let me go for this Don't let me go for this
I might be a fool, you might be one too Maybe we're all that we needed Two wrongs don't make a right But I don't care tonight Maybe we're all that we needed
You could say we were just a big mistake I think it's worth making And worth repeating I would say good things come to those who wait I would say anything if you'd believe it
Oh no Don't let me go for this Don't let me go for this
I might be a fool, you might be one too Maybe we're all that we needed Two wrongs don't make a right But I don't care tonight Maybe we're all that we needed
Maybe we're perfectly not meant to be Or more alike than we're willing to see Maybe we're not meant to not disagree Maybe we're crazy baby
If you could come clean about everything It would be easy for me To be sorry If you could see all the possiblities We might not still be standing where we started
Oh no Don't let me go for this Don't let me go for this
I might be a fool, you might be one too Maybe we're all that we needed Two wrongs don't make a right But I don't care tonight Maybe we're all that we needed
I don't care tonight Maybe we're all that we needed
I don't care tonight Maybe we're all that we needed
topsy turvy-ed @ 4:37 AM
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jean tan australia all the way! convivial ongoing sedulity loves<3
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snchoir
cats!
shuhuei
art
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the Lord Hates
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