you look inside your heart and find the piece that hasnt broken wont let you fall apart whatever you do i believe in you<3
(australia all the way!)
about a year more!
till sixteen, a new ammunition<3
Monday, May 21, 2007
its over isnt it or at least i hope
i really miss you how you used to be
maybe it doesnt seem so bad,who you are now but its a big difference to me
dont you fucking get it dont you understand that this is why im trying to avoid you so much present company isnt proving very pleasant either but id rather cope with that than with you
its so much harder with you i have to fake a smile to joke along to kill my brains just thinking what to talk about with you the conversational topics can be fit into a tear from my eye
its so awkward and i dont approve of anything you do so i dont want to restrain you anymore you ve got so many better things to do than with me i could just shake you off and i think youd be alot happier
and you ve got too many conflicts with the other people i love
its not all about you ,see when you ve supposedly been dragging me everywhere with you ive been neglecting the people who love me too and when im smiling and laughing with you well actually im crying and bleeding too just like tomato does whenever she looks at you even
and you make me feel terrible just knowing you, just thinking of you
i dont know how exactly to explain but you get the main point, i hope you do that its better if i let you go
it ll be better for both of us
im so tired now you know
i miss you so
but i ve been missing others even more
and i cant ever replace them with just you
you re preventing me from being with them
its either you or them and obviously
one had to go and its you
i dont know if it affects you at all,miss or maybe you hate me now
or maybe you know why im doing this before im even typing out this spastic piece of shit
i dont know
well
i dont fucking know
im so confused
seriously
this is the most confusing part of my life so far
not only because of you
but
cca,studies,home,extra activities
my mum,esp
my piano too i think im going to die
you know what? the first day i didnt go recess with you after syf
i went to find them and on the way i looked at the clock tower and i thought wouldnt it be nice to sit up there and feel the wind hear the windchimes chiming look at the people relaxing just sit up there and maybe actually i was contemplating jumping off from there so i subconsciously walked in the clock towers direction then suddenly i was like omg what the fuck am i doing i was really going to do that and im really scared what if i really do that? when one day i aint myself
ive been crying a lot these days in school at home in public places and you know i dont usually do that
and every night i wish i could walk on the highway at night maybe alone holding my slippers once it was with you now well no,duh i really wonder you know. do you still wonder about that feeling too?
these days im just hanging around everywhere dont know what to do with myself seriously im at a loss i know im capable of achieving much higher standards but i dont have any motivation im so confused i dont even know what options i have in life i dont have a real dream anymore
the only dreams i have are nightmares
i havent been telling anyone anything for days there are simply too many things and i feel like i d rather be absorbed in my own world than reveal everything i find it easier but ive become very hottempered and the only happiness i find now is in my music and my art but now i dont even have time for that so what am i going to do ive been growing apart from everyone i havent been talking to zhing not much or maybe not at all because for some very selfish reason i dont know but i was there for her all the time when she had all those *** problems and stuff and she could tell me everything without stopping and i really tried to help her i mean she has been a great friend but somehow i just dont feel that shes with me at all now and jasmine too she seems so weary now i dont know how to be happy with her oh nobody knows and i dont feel like telling them havent been at tennis too mum wants me to quit, piano tcher too i HATE school i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i havent even got tome to blog and this time im using now is one where i am not supposed to i cant smile genuinely anymore at all
and what can i do
no ones there to help me
im alone
topsy turvy-ed @ 5:00 AM
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jean tan australia all the way! convivial ongoing sedulity loves<3
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cats!
shuhuei
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