Upside Down

Friday, October 26, 2007

hahah,
i learnt today,
that i just think too much(:

i bought my new phone last saturday.

im very happy today,
i think im getting mood swings.
cant wait for weds to be over
then i can do all the things i planned
to do.

And I know that this place
And these walls and this race
Will melt down in one breath
And leave it all behind me

<3

topsy turvy-ed @ 4:26 AM

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

why must it always happen when im expecting it.

im so afraid for everything,
i can only pray that God will make a way for me.

in any case ,
i just have got to brace myself
for the marks to come,
and hope i ll get through this alive.

today was a really cold day,
raining and all,
what with choir making me so depressed today
for no reason,
it just always does.

should i go to church?

i want to go back and play tennis.
i miss everyone over there,
and hark if i havent deproved!

broke my phone in half,
been without it for a whole week!/:

i sound so negative.

but anyway,
i love my music(:

i cant let go of everything yet,
so i ll just bear with it
and not cry and not fear and not whine
and just take what i deserve.

i still want to go to aussie,
but im still very afraid and worried for everything.

having bad insomnia-
you wouldnt imagine of the things i think of at
night nowadays(:

im trying really really hard not to do the stupid things i used to do last time
when i was super depressed.

but im still veryvery paranoid.
im so scared i fail everything!
i dont want to end up like them!

i miss alot of people too,
and its so lonely here at home,
even when you ve gota dog at your beck and call.

i HATE being an only child,
it would be eons better to have someone to fight with!

<3

topsy turvy-ed @ 6:06 AM

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

im so super happy these days(:
i think im convinced now,
that i am entirely focused on australia!(:

im studying really quite hard now,
ss was just slightly less than a breeze,
i think i ll either pass fine or just fail.
english was obviously great.
but im super scared for hcl i think im going to fail/:

but im still very happy(:
ilovebeingalive,almostalwaysnow.

i cant wait for oneyearmore!

then i ll be over somewhere else,
doing the things i really really want to do,
with huei!

superconvivial!<3

Lately I'm alright
And lately I'm not scared
I've figured out
That what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air
I don't need to know right now
All I know is I believe
In the very thing that got us here
And now I can't leave

Say anything, but say what you mean'cause
I'm caught in suspension

Now,I'm wanting this for sure
And I'll beg for nothing more
I'll plan all day and drive all night
You'll love what's in store
I can't seem to stop this now
Even if it's not so clear
And I'll take what I can get
If you want me here
Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe
'cause I'm caught in suspension

It's enough for me to get excited
It's enough for me to feel...woah

Say anything, but say what you mean
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same

<3

topsy turvy-ed @ 11:17 PM

Monday, September 17, 2007

but im still quite scared.
im scared i wont be able to make it through.
i can push myself,im strong enough,ithink.

but im scared i ll change my mind,
then there wont be much worth living for anymore.
somehow,theres something missing from my life now.

i want all these things and i tell myself ,
i will get everything i want.

but of my past inspirations?
i havent had time to draw for about a month already,
and i used to do it everysingle day.

it used to be my dream you know,
world renowned artist\\designer.

but its all changed,
im becoming more and more like my parents,
and truth is,
im not even sure if this is what i want.

i really want to go to australia and study,
and i really want to do psychology and stuff.
but i dunno,
theres something bothering me,
something miniscule ,
its like a tinny frequency whizzing away at the back of my mind;
"what about your art! theres a way! theres another meaning to everything!"
i used to believe it.
but as i think of how australia will benefit me,
and doing something there that i like as well,
that tinny voice is still there,
trying to tell me something,
however soft it is,and how much more it seems to be getting softer,
it just keeps reminding me,
of all my previous aspirations,
and i cant help not reliving the ecstasy i experienced
when i related to those fantasies once more.

but that voice is so tainted that its becoming unbearably painful,
like a perpetual stain that distracts me from my presently erected goal,
like a thorn in my heart,
and it pricks me when i try to define it.

the supposed future that it's feeding me,
it's all glamour,
glamour & riches & luck & inspiration,
but its so sought after that its depressing to reiterate.

yet the goal i am currently after
is so much more firmly planted down,
so much less absurd,
so much more stable,
and when i compare the two,
its as though im comparing a magic tsunami to a crisp,bright sunflower.
not sure how to depict this,
but anyhow,
for the time being,
im 99 per cent on the stable job,
0.00000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent on the overly preposterous one.
and in between the two?

CONFUSION.

topsy turvy-ed @ 5:10 AM

im really happy these days(:
im studying very hard,
but mind,no A1s yet/:
but ive improved alot ithink(:

the other day i ate some watercress
and there was this fat gigantic caterpillar
green and black /:
sick!

idont think ive worked so hard since psle,actually(:
very proud of myself.
and i ve gotten over all that depressing shit stuff i used to do previously(:

but im still scared for cca!

not at cca for so long and a concert in november!
/:

i dont miss cca,but its hard not remembering.

im going to exercise a damn lot after exams.
notime now.
swimming everyday!
and egypt & reunions & borders & maybe tennis(:
& maybe church with huei,i hope.

and im starting to sortof like studying,how ironic,
i hated it to the core not very long ago/:

everythings going so quickly,
and im glad that it is, in a way.

and ive never been so motivated before,ithink.

i cant explain this.

cleared my entire room (:

i ve changed alot.

still,ive never been so happy.

Here's a night, and it shines.
And it calls us on and on.
So be here by my side, and watch the stars.
They're ours.
Make a wish or just take charge.
The moment comes get lost and go far.
I think that we've got what it takes, to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.
We begin, breathe in.
Here's our chance to go for something.
So this is where we win, and take the game.
No blame. There's a neon light inside that shines.
And tearing down the walls in the way.
I think that we've got what it takes, to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
Deep inside we both know it.
Everything's hanging on this moment.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.
It's cold inside, but deep in the night.
The light is bright enough to save the weakest ones but you're in the running.
Oh don't you give up or fade away.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
Whoa, whoa.
So just let go and fall into it.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
Deep inside we both know it.
Everything's hanging on this moment.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
Every action makes a reaction.
We'll figure it out and make it happen.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.

topsy turvy-ed @ 4:46 AM

Sunday, September 2, 2007

You're a Architect!

The Career Makeover

Brought to you by Tickle

topsy turvy-ed @ 8:13 PM

Saturday, August 25, 2007

i think im getting better
i want to do super well for my eoys
so that i can reassure myslef
that im capable enough to study by myself
im really quite happy today(:
i accomplished so many things

todays probably the hardest ive ever worked since psle!
whee

im really scared he doesnt allow me to go to melb next year though/:
i f i dont go,
i wont think lifes worth it anymore.
i dont even want to think about whether he ll let me or not
and how the hell am i going to ask him!

and if i dont go,huei wont either, i think.

and i want to have my own room and do ANYTHING i want with it,
and i want to be one of the best damn students there.
and i dont want to take art,
im quite sick of the idea.
i dunno why im sick of the idea actually,im so good at it.
and music as well,
i think i ll never want to take music,
because of HAHA choir.
not really lah,
i just dont think i ll be able to take the stress,
and im good in my vocal and musicality only.
actually piano too,but its not really for me,
i cant stand it sometimes.
cant wait for grade 8 to be over!
two weeks!
then chiong eoys to the end!
and i want a laptop/:
but i ll get it next year
because i want an updated more longlasting one.
and a new phone.

ohmy.

tomm going to mug like shit again (:
im happy im finally changing.

and huei too,and ewsy(:
happy for them (:

i like my blog.(:

<3

topsy turvy-ed @ 7:25 AM