Upside Down

Thursday, August 2, 2007

im really tired,
of a lot of things.
i miss a lot of you,
but i dont know how to tell you.
not like im trying to act depressed,
or become a wreck all over again,
no,im not ready to let myself collapse again.
ive been trying pretty hard at studying recently,
and its kindof showing.
ive been thinking out a lot of stuff
wondering what would happen if i did
a thing or two.
i dont know what to say.
ive been freaking sickly recently!
diarrhoea a few times a week,
and fever too,and vomiting.
plus a back sprain./:
i must sound really negative.
i think im severely sick or sth,
what with the weird headaches
and heartbeat-skipping
and dizziness,
i think i might die if i werent careful.
didnt go for choir thrice
including today,
sick!
i really hope nobody thinks i pon
because i really felt horrid /:
sometimes i wish me and you and them could just go on a holiday
and disappear for a month.
i think im spouting nonsense,
because i dont feel like myself.
sometimes i feel so out of place everywhere,
like i was never meant to be here.
like im a different object from everything else,
as though i think and move differently from everyone else.
i wish i could talk to someone,
someone who could understand,
because really on the outside i just
try to mould in with everything else,
and i dont know how to be at ease with myself.
im always jean,the one everyone thinks they know.
but its ironical that,even as i state this fact
in black & white,
i cant change myself on the outside.
its like theres this mask stuck on to me
wherever i am,
like im trying to be somebody better than myself,
hiding everything inside.
funny,i always seem to know when someone is lying to me,
or manipulating me.
and its scary that way,
because when i know about that,
i cant do anything about it.
im afraid of a lot of things,
although i dont show it.
and i like being the leader,
because i get lots of self assurance
that i can be in charge
and be organised,
prior to the fact that i cant control myself very well.
i love my hobbies
but i just have no time to finish honing my skills.
if i ever had a whole month set aside for them,
i could guarantee that i would improve by leaps and bounds.
i miss tennis,and i miss the people there,and most of all i miss you.
i dont think you ll ever understand everything about me,
but you re my brother,
and im just stuck to you that way.
i dont know why im saying all this.
there are so many things that i cant explain,
cant deal with,cant tell.

If you could come clean about everything
It would be easy for me
To be sorry
If you could see all the possiblities
We might not still be standing where we started

Oh no
Don't let me go for this
Don't let me go for this

I might be a fool, you might be one too
Maybe we're all that we needed
Two wrongs don't make a right
But I don't care tonight
Maybe we're all that we needed

You could say we were just a big mistake
I think it's worth making
And worth repeating
I would say good things come to those who wait
I would say anything if you'd believe it

Oh no
Don't let me go for this
Don't let me go for this

I might be a fool, you might be one too
Maybe we're all that we needed
Two wrongs don't make a right
But I don't care tonight
Maybe we're all that we needed

Maybe we're perfectly not meant to be
Or more alike than we're willing to see
Maybe we're not meant to not disagree
Maybe we're crazy baby

If you could come clean about everything
It would be easy for me
To be sorry
If you could see all the possiblities
We might not still be standing where we started

Oh no
Don't let me go for this
Don't let me go for this

I might be a fool, you might be one too
Maybe we're all that we needed
Two wrongs don't make a right
But I don't care tonight
Maybe we're all that we needed

I don't care tonight
Maybe we're all that we needed

I don't care tonight
Maybe we're all that we needed

topsy turvy-ed @ 4:37 AM